I uncovered this rare monologue by Morgan Freeman about his first day in Los Angeles. Get busy listenin’.
INT. 2793 NORTH KITTY HAWK - 3AM
New homeowners JAKE and TEVIN lie in bed, wide awake. We hear concussively loud DUBSTEP coming from outside - it rattles their low e bedroom window.
TEVIN: Goddamn him. Goddamn that famous chimpanzee!
JAKE: Hon. I know. Just… try to ignore it.
TEVIN: Ignore it?! It’s been like this EVERY NIGHT since we moved in!
JAKE: Well, I mean, we knew going in that that house belonged to a Hollywood chimp. Joan Ross of RE/MAX was very clear about—
TEVIN: Oh, fuck Joan Ross of RE/MAX! She didn’t say it would be like THIS! You need to do something.
JAKE: ME? What can I do? He has a special permit from the city of Palm Springs!
TEVIN: I don’t know, go over there and fight him or something.
JAKE: Oh, yeah. I’ll just go fight a wild animal. Great plan, Tev!
TEVIN: He’s not wild, HE OWNS A HOME IN PALM SPRINGS!
JAKE: Okay fine, then why don’t you do something!
TEVIN: Maybe I WILL!
Tevin reaches into nightstand, pulls out a SIG SAUER 9MM PISTOL.
JAKE: What the FUCK, where did you get a—
TEVIN: I never wanted to leave Laguna!!
Tevin shoots Jake - his face explodes. Tevin turns to the window.
TEVIN: YOU did this!!!
He puts the gun in his mouth, pulls the trigger— SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. 2793 NORTH KITTY HAWK - ONE WEEK LATER
RE/MAX agent JOAN ROSS plants a FOR SALE sign.
JOAN ROSS: (sighs) I can’t believe this keeps happening.