Jan. 13, 2012 at 3:57pm with 14 notes
A Conversation with my Immigrant Friend, Who Learned English Solely by Watching NFL Studio Shows ME: Hey man, wanna get some lunch? FRIEND: Now you’re talking about a guy in me who’s somebody you’d want to go out to lunch with, a guy you believe can go out there and order that food and consume it, and that’s a challenge that for me, personally, I’d want to step up and say, let’s do this. ME: Uh, cool. How’s Thai sound?  FRIEND: You talk about Thai food, here’s a food known for its explosive flavors and tremendous eatability. But the bottom line is, Can. You. Win. With. Curry? And honestly, if I absolutely had to say, without question, I just don’t know.  ME: Okay, or we could just grab a salad?  FRIEND: You talk about salads, here’s a lunch option where the bottom line is, can it sustain a full meal for 60 minutes? And if you ask me, do I believe a salad can get it done out there? And to me, a full-grown man IN MY PRIME, I’m sorry— a salad just ain’t gonna get it done out there! ME: (exasperated) Tacos? FRIEND: You talk about tacos, here’s a lunch where the bottom line is— ME: I’m sorry. ME pulls out knife and stabs FRIEND in gut - FRIEND struggles against blade. FRIEND: (dying) …you talk about a… controversial decision—  ME: Shh. Don’t. Just sleep. 

A Conversation with my Immigrant Friend, Who Learned English Solely by Watching NFL Studio Shows

ME: Hey man, wanna get some lunch?

FRIEND: Now you’re talking about a guy in me who’s somebody you’d want to go out to lunch with, a guy you believe can go out there and order that food and consume it, and that’s a challenge that for me, personally, I’d want to step up and say, let’s do this.

ME: Uh, cool. How’s Thai sound? 

FRIEND: You talk about Thai food, here’s a food known for its explosive flavors and tremendous eatability. But the bottom line is, Can. You. Win. With. Curry? And honestly, if I absolutely had to say, without question, I just don’t know. 

ME: Okay, or we could just grab a salad? 

FRIEND: You talk about salads, here’s a lunch option where the bottom line is, can it sustain a full meal for 60 minutes? And if you ask me, do I believe a salad can get it done out there? And to me, a full-grown man IN MY PRIME, I’m sorry— a salad just ain’t gonna get it done out there!

ME: (exasperated) Tacos?

FRIEND: You talk about tacos, here’s a lunch where the bottom line is—

ME: I’m sorry.

ME pulls out knife and stabs FRIEND in gut - FRIEND struggles against blade.

FRIEND: (dying) …you talk about a… controversial decision— 

ME: Shh. Don’t. Just sleep. 

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